Fight Boring Marriages

We have all had “Ah-Ha Moments” in our lives. I will hear something or even have a random thought that offers a solution to begin clearing up some internal conflict. I love these moments. I had one of these moments recently with one of our readers.

I was eating lunch with my wife and two kids when my phone made the very familiar “baa-ding” noise to alert me I had a message. I looked down at my phone and saw the name “@urvashis.spark”. It was an Instagram direct message about our website. A woman named Urvashi was giving us some feedback on our site. Danielle and I speak openly about our sexual journey together in our articles. Urvashi has been down many of the same paths and shared many of our same goals. We messaged back and forth for a few minutes getting to know each other a little better.

After our brief conversation, we began to cyber stalk her. She seemed super cool, and we wanted to learn more about her. We first went to her profile on Instagram. Her page is full of incredible photography of partially nude, sexy dressed, and totally nude models. So of course, my interest was peaking. In her Instagram description is her website address, sparkerotic.com. I clicked on the link, and my first thought was, Holy Shit, she films and produces porn. Did I get to talk to an adult film director? Their site is very different from other porn sites that I have visited, but I wasn’t yet sure why.

I have always had a love-hate relationship with porn. As a teenager and in my 20’s, I was taught that porn is filthy and would destroy my soul. This just increased the thrill of watching it, but each time I finished up, I would feel a crushing shame that left me depressed. I always kept my porn viewing a secret from Danielle.

After a friend suggested that we watch porn together, we decided to give it a try. We had watched a couple of softcore Cinemax porns together but never hardcore porn. I cannot tell you how excited I was to view the XXX stuff with Danielle finally. If you are a women reading this, you have probably already assumed that this did not go over very well. We went to your standard PornHub type sites and randomly selected a few. Not only was Danielle not turned on by this free porn content, but there were times she actually gagged. Watching the horrified look on her face turned the rocket in my pants into a turtle trying to escape from danger. Total buzzkill. After several more failed attempts to find suitable porn to watch as a couple, we decided to watch “Debbie Does Dallas.” This was the first time we both enjoyed porn together. Although not all of the sex scenes were always hot, it had real characters, and it was entertaining. We decided that we would only watch classic porn movies together. This was still hit and miss, but we found it to be a much better alternative to today’s porn. What can I say, we are bush people (Vagina not Presidents).

So what does any of this have to do with my conversation with Urvashi? After our first conversation, I became a supporter of sparkerotic.com. Spark Erotic is a super affordable pay to view site. After watching a couple of her films, I messaged her to talk about it. I was very excited as I had been looking for a place that offered porn that would be good to watch as a couple. When I told her this, she corrected me and said, “It is not porn. It is erotica.” That was my Ah-Ha moment.

I know many people are not going to see a difference between what Urvashi is doing and your regular internet porn. They would argue that anything that shows sex and nudity is porn. I come from a culture that taught me that even dressing immodestly is porn. Being immodest (or porn) in Utah can be a tank top and shorts that go above your knees.

“Women, please understand that if you dress immodestly, you are magnifying this problem by becoming pornography to some of the men who see you.” – Dallin Oaks – Mormon Apostle and Leader

To me, this made perfect sense. There is a vast difference between porn and erotica. It turns out that I do not like porn. I just hadn’t put that together until that moment. I kept turning to porn as I did not understand there were better alternatives out there for us. Porn is a fantasy world that promotes unhealthy and unrealistic sex. It can encourage rape, abuse, poor body-esteem, unreal sexual expectations, and it is miseducating our youth. It can victimize the actors and the viewers. Erotica is based on healthy and realistic sex practices. It educates its viewers while entertaining them. It shows healthy sex practices. The sex on sparkerotic.com is beautifully and tastefully made. Their actors are either married or in a committed relationship. They never put strangers together. This creates a chemistry between the actors that makes them exciting to watch. You are watching people in love making love.

Watching these couples has created a new fantasy for Danielle and I. We have imagined what it would be like to be one of those couples being filmed by Spark Erotic. Maybe it will become a bucket-list item for us one day. For now, we are just enjoying the fantasy and that Danielle doesn’t have to choke back bits of her vomit during the sex scenes.

We highly recommend anyone reading this to become a supporter for sparkerotic.com. We do not get paid by them for your subscription. We were not asked to do this article. We simply love their content. Any couples that have struggled watching porn together should give erotica a try. The problem is not with you or your partner. It is with the content you are viewing.